Effort Mustache 8


	Mark your calendar...APRIL 1ST CURT DAVIS INVITATIONAL MUSTACHE GROWING CONTEST OF PADDLE SPORTS - tons of prizes! Back to Mustache Home Page Archived Mustache Growth April 1st, 2006 - See the original entries! April 9th, 2006 - See the first week of stache growth. April 16th, 2006 - Week two of growing... sleazebag, scuzzball status. April 23rd, 2006 - Competitors have gone completely insane at this point. April 30th, 2006 - It all seems to stem from passion and love... May 7th, 2006 - Greetings net nerds, see the sixth installment... May 14th, 2006 - Remember back in the day, the good ol days, the salad days, like three weeks ago... May 21st, 2006 - Alright, that's it. No shaving companies called me this week offering corporate sponsorship for this contest. And I thought we were almost there. I guess we'll have to settle for doing this because we love mustaches, or paddling, or whatever this is that we're doing here. I will gladly say this event will be over next week and we will crown the most hairy lipped person for his/her achievements over the past two months. Competitors, next week is it, your last stand. It's Custer's last stand, now or never, shit or get off the pot, the last straw, the cheek clencher. Remember to be all you can be. Be your best. Be a dummy. Be yourself. Win win win! Take one for the team. Some other notes. If I can whine some more about dong these web updates. Next year if I do this it will be a bi-weekly photo submission and I think I'll go to a blog format. Okay. Thank you. On a happier note JOEY IS BACK, and he brought his malicious wit along as well. As before, Joey's comments are in BLUE. Enjoy Spencer Cooke, Effort.tv Joey writes, "Dearest competitors, It seems all I have heard over the past few weeks is a bunch of whining and moping as to when I am going to post my witty comments again. You people must get off on being brutalized or something. Wa wa wa. I've got responsibilities that exceed some ridiculous hair growing contest that I somehow got roped into co-organizing. I am convinced that you folks are the only ones even looking at this damned thing, so it pains me to waste my valuable wit on you donks. But stop your whining, here are my comments. Oh, and BTW, it seems to me that all of you lily livers have been sending in far too man comments of YOUR OWN. Here's the deal, you do the mustache growing, and we'll do the self esteem crushing....mmmmkay? and.....THIS is how you grow a mustache....this is me from a few weeks ago "enjoying" some s#itty jam band concert that was serving as my buddy Josh's bachelor party....inspired by the Curt Davis invitational, one of the groomsmen suggested we all grow mustaches......I don't know what wrong I did in my life to deserve this, but I seem to be doomed to get involved in mustache growing events for the rest of my natural life... with love, Joey Hall, DeadmanProductions.com 1. Evan and Austin Smith, Father and Son combo-stache-iation-villes-burg-town-son-son-idized-ton Pyranha I:3 and Eskimo Kendo - Placerville, CA Tell me you don't agree with me when I say that it isn't fair that Evan does not have a mustache. Who is responsible for this? Someone will pay! Some other words about these two fellas. - They have by far been the most responsible mustache growing competitors. Responsibility is their middle name. It's Austin Responsibility Smith and Evan Responsibility Smith. The only thing that is different about these two guys is the mustache and about twenty years. Other than that they are the same thoughtful human beings. Just going along in life being prompt and courteous and quietly growing a nice full mustache. Well Austin did that part. The hair. Austin writes,* "No babes, just boats - this contest is essentially a vow of celibacy.." "Ok, I'm confused here, who's Evan and who is Austin? It seems that they trade names every week. Regardless, its interesting that everyone is trying to bring shame on the mustacheless one.....seems to me that NOT looking like some sort of obnoxious fool is something to be proud of." 2. Ola Lindström, Wave Sport Diesel, Sweden Ola (see quote below) I forbid you to speak in tongues to me any longer. I know waht Heja Sverige means. You aren't fooling me pal! Ola writes, "You can see that i��m happy about Swedens goldmedal in the world icehockey champs tonight. Heja Sverige!" "Ola is looking more and more like a roadie for ABBA, aren't they from Sweden....or some Sweden-like place?" 3. Andrew Huber, Wave Sport EZ, Burlington, VT Impressive handle bar attempt by Andrew. Agressive and agile. Cinderella story. Andrew writes, "Today I am close to mustache nirvana. The path began many weeks ago, but this week my mustache-fu has been exceptionally strong. I was back home in DC for the week, making some money to be able to drive out to Colorado to start my job as a raft guide this summer. Yeah I know, I'm going to the dark side, but hey, you can tell it to me as you're sitting in your cubicle typing away like a monkey trying to write Hamlet while I'm enjoying the fresh mountain air and the rattle of the pennies they'll pay me in my pocket. So to fund the journey, I took a few temp jobs, and my god, having a mustache is the most liberating experience the corporate world can offer. My first job I was in normal business attire, khakis, button down shirt. Then I noticed that nobody was taking me seriously. They all had a stupid smirk when they talked to me, like they were desperately trying to telepathically tell me that it was not, in fact, 1974. I also realized that people spent so much time staring at my lip that they failed to notice other things, like me taking a double long lunch break so I could make fun of the scientologists giving free "stress tests." I pounced on this opportunity, diving deeper and deeper into sloth and incompetence. Let me tell you, having a mustache in a K street lobbying firm is like going to the hypnotist in Office Space. I just stopped caring and nobody noticed. By the end of the week I was coming in in jeans and a stained T-shirt and having hour and a half long lunch breaks during which I would imbibe more than my share of beers. I'm not even 21, but nobody cards you when you've got an industrial sized pushbroom hanging from your nose. So thank you, my mustache, and thank you Spencer for opening up worlds of possibilities for me, whether it's not living up to my potential, underage drinking, or heckling cult members, it wouldn't be possible without this contest. This week's pictures are from my brother's graduation at UVA. Yes, I did attend the entire ceremony with those wonderful handlebars, but unfortunately I did not have a proper mustache wax and had to make do with my sister's hair gel, so the bars had fallen a bit by the time I got home and took the picture. One more thing, the second picture says it all about the way this contest is headed. Chinese food don't lie." "Huber, I give you props for taking my advice and trying for the handlebar.....but your belligerent commentary sort of ruins it for me. As for your fortune, I got another one for you, "You will not receive attention from the opposite sex for at least the next week....probably longer" MSG!!!!!! 4. Ronald A. Swaggard, Wilderness Systems Pamlico 140, Florence, SC Ron holds steady and shows his tough side. Ron writes, "Pay close attention to the Lip. The tarantula is almost ready to grow wings & fly. When it does, no one will be able to resist it's awesome Stache Style. In keeping with the theme of this week's pics, I've gone into uncharted territory with the Tat-Stache. It, too, has wings, and no one's pictures to date have this combination of questionable character quirks. This is not a prop or a gimmick; I got it when the original incarnation of the Tarantula was only a couple of weeks old while working for "Uncle Sugar". Keep your banana hammocks, dark shades, handguns & other silly props. The tattoo is forever. And so is the Tarantula" There we go Swaggard, show them guns, confidence goes a long way towards "selling" the stache. Now, question is, is that a real tattoo or did that come in a box of Cracker Jacks?" 5. Patrick Bresnahan, Inazone232, H3....cola, SC and Etowah, NC Pat earns a heap of points for today's entry in my book. Not only is his stache holding on strong but Pat made a huge sacrifice with this move. Very impressive Pat! Done in the true spirit of this contest! Patrick writes, "This was the ��make or break�� week folks. I am going all the way until June 1! After rereading the history of Curt Davis Invitational Mustache Growing Contest of Paddle Sports, I decided, I am JOEY HALL! Quoting JHRS, ��Ķthe idea of the mustache growing contest is not to simply see who can grow lip hair the fastest or longest. It's more about who is willing to bear the most humiliation in front of friends, family (inlaws, ouch!), business associates, heck, even strangers.�� Humiliation not for doing stupid tricks but humiliation for wearing bad lip hair when people do not expect it from you! Fearing the consequences, I almost shaved my stache this week. For my entire life (until April 1, 2006), I looked nice and clean to accompany my professional ambitions (http://www.richlandmaps.com/contact_us/who_we_are.html). Twice this week I had to stand before large audiences and relay information while speaking through my ��cheech��. One of my seminars was also broadcast on the state educational television network. I went full monty boys! I actually hope one the evaluation forms (last page of this doc: http://www.sccounties.org/meetings/Teleconferences/GIS%20-%200506/05-09-06%20Teleconf%20Set-up%20Memo%20w%20lthd.pdf) has a comment about my lip lizard! ��Dr. Bresnahan was a dynamic speaker. But, he needs some personal hygiene help with his lip.��" "Now THIS is what I am talking about. I commend you Patman, for going all out. Now you can be mercilessly mocked behind your back, not only by your immediate family and friends, but by thousands of home viewers you've never met. Also, bonus points for mentioning me in your post, and, as you said, this is the true spirit of the Curt Davis invitational, just don't get a big head about it, it ain't over yet. PS, you look a little like this late, great artist.....http://www.netmemorials.co.uk/00%20Freddie%2001Large.JPG" Click the image to see a larger size. It is worthwhile. 6. Hartley Barber, Liquidlogic Gus & Perception Full Tilt, Columbia SC Did Hartley roll in black sharpie ink? And what is he doing with that picture of me? Dude, Hartley, I'm from the 70s too! We should hang out sometime. Hartley writes, "1970, what a glorious year! Aside from the aftermath of Woodstock and the beginning of the turn in Vietnam, ...author James Dickey (who, for a time, lived and taught here in Columbia) published a novel which, in two years, would catapult whitewater boating to the American masses. In 1972 Burt Reynolds played the failed hero in Deliverance. He was Dickey's go to guy for delivering this Appalachian, Hemingwayesque brutal tale of trial and survival. This motion picture has solidified Burt's place in the lexicon of perilous rural travel, and sometime people still say..."you go up there and paddle what? The Tahlooga? The Chatulla? I thought they was at the was at the Cahulawassee? Them folks git... Well, I wudn't go thar if'n I'as yew." Well, no matter what my real opinion of the story and it's residual affect on people's perception of the Southern Appalachian area, it was a great boost to Burt's career. Women wanted him and men wanted to be him. He was a Hollywood Idol. Then came The Bandit. Burt had adopted a mustache (and some cranial coverage) and it was his destiny to nurture that primal status into the annals of mustache history. So, I wanted to offer tribute to a true elestacheteer (one who elevates and defends the social perception of the mustache) by emulating Burt's most famous image. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Burt_centerfold.jpg View at your own risk. There is an issue of authenticity as a result of his "swamping the Grumman". Is he really even a man? Does that matter? At any rate, I have borrowed the cover window from www.effort.tv ,for obviously innocuous reasons. Which leads me to this final thought...This competition is about mustaches, not crazy posses in weird outfits...and, Since you are all wondering, "Was he really, you know?" Of course not, ...not even the photographer knows, for sure." Umm.....is Hartley supposed to be some sort of Mermaid Mime in this photo? Perhaps a negative-space walrus? All I know is I hope I never encounter a creature like that whilst on the river." 7. Reed Moore, Savage Fury, Asheville, NC Reed gets totally wacky this week ladies and gents. Dr Reed and Mr Hyde. Reed writes, "Here you go. I kind of like the first picture, but I look somewhat disgruntled in the second one. I think if there's one thing I've learned from this contest, it's the disgruntling power of the mustache." Reed, congrats, your mustache is officially TERRIBLE, but I mean terrible in the best of connotations......because in the context of the contest, it makes it good.....but then again, that sort of brings us full circle back to terrible....did you get highlights put in that thing?" 8. Chris Tretwold, Liquidlogic Jefe, Bellingham, WA Chris, must have been angry at us this week. This serious photo and no message. No love from the Tretmyster? The Chrisinator? No? Chris writes, "..." Ohhhhh check out this HARDLEGGER, it seems the contest is finally getting to this fellow. Oddly enough this is the same face I display every time I am forced to look at this god forsaken contest." 9. Craig Adams, Bliss Stick Scud & Rad, New Zealand Craig actually sent his last week's photo on time but I didn't get it so he is featured on a two page spread this week. Centerfold. DirTy. Craig, judging from the second picture you would fit in quite well down here in the Southeastern US. Maybe change that heineken to a bud and get some awful, faded tattoo andyou'd be all set. Craig writes, "apparently visited the wrong address last week and killed the wrong people dooh. First time nerves i suppose got a beating for it .... bit of an over reaction i thought. tashe power to you all" Craig, you are well on your way to becoming an olde timey boxer......such as pictured here http://www.wisconsinhistory.org/whi/news/archives/cigarettecards.jpg That might score you some attention from the ladies....if we were living in the 1800s.....unfortunately for you...we are not. 10. Zuzana Vanha, Pyranha H3, Bryson City, NC Zuzana is still a very bad man. Zuz, if you don't know, is on the US slalom team and it competing at the worlds in Greece this month. Hopefully the judges don't mistake her for a man. Oh well, they probably will then she'll have to clobber them with an iron fist. Zuzana writes, "greetings from athens, the greeks all think my mustache is sexy" Zuzana, if this were an arm wrestling competition....I'd put my odds on you to win. Bonus points for embarrassing yourself in a foreign country......if you visit Italy before you return home, you will most certainly be mistaken for Super Mario." 11. Liz Petty, Dagger Dynamo, Bryson City, NC Liz, I think I can see a shade of darkerness on your lip. Liz writes, "I am working on a theme-song for the contest" Liz, I do see some potential here, you've been working hard and it seems to of paid off." 12. Philip Young, Riot Magnum, Bryson City, NC Okay, I think if Philip were so bold to cut that fro into a Mullet then he would definitely get the mullestache award. Of course the first thing I thought was for him to paint that thing like a watermelon and go for the Gallager look. I guess he was shooting for Bob Ross, which works too. Whispy little clouds, then some fruity little trees! Philip writes, "I am picking up the slack for my fallen compadres. With my Bobby Ross fro', Curt Davis mustache, and skinny shoulders, I will carry the NOC flag. I will defeat all who oppose me. My hair will stop at nothing short of victory." Oh god......no comment, that one speaks for its self." 13. Garrett Bryant, Liquidlogic Jefe, Bryson City, NC You are out Garrett! I am yelling at you across the internet! I am firing you for quitting! Clown down, is what I have to say. One of my favorite donkeys of the whole thing and you blew it! Your mustache epitaph will read "Garrett's Stache. April 1-May twenty somethingth. It was a brave mustache. It knew no wrong. Now it is in the toilet. Israel probably backed one out on top of it before it was flushed. Goodbye cruel world." Garrett writes, "I am sad to announce my early exit from the competition. I had an important job interview this week and I tragically had to remove my facial hair. I was going to regrow the mustache for the remainder of the competition, but I have another interview this week as well. I am sad. I am losing sleep. I can't save my sweet tea on my upper lip for later any more. I am gently crying." Garrett, get that $%#% outta here.....who wants to be employed by someone who would penalize you for having a redonkulous lip growth......just kidding, I commend you on you willingness to conform with the sensible world." 14. Moffatt Prescott, Liquidlogic Jefe, Columbia, SC Moffatt. Hi Moffatt. Whatever do you mean Moffatt? Moffatt Writes, "FOR RENT: Darling two bedroom one bath mountain cottage in the beautiful hills of Montreat NC. For more information call 1-800-PP5-1Dudu and ask for Dudu Brown"* "Scary....." 15. Steve Althaus, Riot Hammer (circa 1998), Raleigh, NC Steve looks like some sort of odd bag ladie here. I'm not sure what's going on. Steve writes, "A salute for two of our distinguished mustache brethren: Raymond A. Capone III and Captain Putnam. I salute you not as a fellow letterman, nor as a fellow mustached lunatic, but rather as a member of the Mustache Militia. Not even an army of Nialists could wreck this legacy. Sleep well knowing that the tradition of the Curt Davis will roll on like the elephant riders of yester year" "Steve's looking like a reject from a Public Enemy video...." 16. Will Johnson, Wave Sport Z, Brevard, NC Will funny cracker. Maybe he has the secret to this. Will writes, "weekly eye socket stretching exercises two benefits: 1. X-ray vision 2. increased hair growth on the upper lip" "What are you talking about Spencer....this guy's not funny.....the only thing funny about him is that he had 2 black eyes when we started this competition......when was that BTW? It seems like this nonsense has been going on for decades....." 17. Hutch Brown, the Academy of Huge Experiences Nothing from Hutch. This could be it for Hutch. We'll give him a couple more days. Hutch writes, "..." *"Why do we tolerate this tardiness from the Hutchinator every week? There should be some sort of penalty.....like he has to wash my car or do my laundry or something.....on second thought, I don't want any of these people near my house....the neighbors would certainly call in the community watch on my ass." Thanks a ton to Xackers.net and Boatertalk.com for promoting the event. Back to Mustache Home Page Sponsors: Contest started on April 1st. Email us with any questions or comments at curtdavismustache@gmail.com			Riot has arguably one of the best lines of kayaks on the market these days. From whitewater, to rec, to sit-on-top, to touring they have a boat that suits every condition. The whitewater line, with over ten boats to choose from, includes a boat for every size paddler and skill level. Two of this year's shining stars are the Astro and the Magnum Both are well worth considering if you're in the market for some new plastic.