Mark your calendar...APRIL 1ST
CURT DAVIS INVITATIONAL MUSTACHE GROWING CONTEST OF PADDLE SPORTS - tons of prizes!

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April 1st, 2006 - 30 brave and bold competitors are freshly shorn and filled with adrenaline and excitement. Yes, that deep down excitement that everyone has, but sometimes denies, to grow body hair.

*Derogatory comments in blue and italics, courtesy Joey Hall, Deadman Productions

Whoever said humiliation did not bring families together?
1. Austin and Evan Smith, Father and Son, were the first to enter the Mustache Contest. Austin paddles a Pyranha I:3 and Evan paddles an Eskimo Kendo
They live in Placerville, CA
*This one's going to be good, theres nothing like a little good natured asinine contest to bring out the best in a father-son bond.


2. Raymond A Capone III, Wave Sport BigEZ, Pittsburgh, PA
*Raymond A Capone is a total HARDLEGGER name! What does the "A" stand for? Al perhaps?
I might be impressed......if this guy didn't totally look like an extra from the set of Back to the Future!


3. Ola Lindström, Wave Sport Diesel, Sweden
*Ola Lindstrom is a very handsome man....and I'm secure with myself enough to say that. With a chiseled jaw, and those piercing eyes, it almost seems like he is looking into my soul......however, his name has letters in it that I have never heard of....and that makes me nervous.....NEXT!

4. Andrew Huber, Wave Sport EZ, Burlington, VT - Andrew writes, "...I have only 3 natural talents in this world, one is useless jeopardy knowledge, the second is an innate ability to destroy all others at video games, and the 3rd is the ability to profusely grow facial and body hair.  I thought I had the most useless talents in the world, until I learned of this contest.  finally, a contest that I can't possibly lose!  Also attatched is a picture of myself at age 17 so that you may show the other entrants what stiff competition they are up against..."
*Ok, so the before picture is from when this dude was 17......you mean to tell me that in the picture on the left he is actually OLDER than 17? The kid looks 12......however, he does resemble the infamous Karl Pilkington, of the Ricky Gervais show fame......here is a link to a photo for reference. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/56/Karlhead.JPG/275px-Karlhead.JPG
These guys are like long lost brothers.

5. Trip Jennings, Liquidlogic Jefe, Eugene, OR - Trip Writes, "My upper lip hair is on about a 9th or 10th grade level, so I'll be lookin pretty hot come June."
*Trip, Trip, Trip.....don't you know that the "faux"-hawk is sooooooo 2004? I bet he's got the latest CD by Yellowcard playing in that car behind him. The only thing keeping Trip high up on my ladder of respect, is the fact that: A. Trip has the same kind of curly ass hair that I have, and so the "Faux"-hawk might just be an accident., and B. Trip's hair is red, and I'm guessing his facial hair is too, and my facial hair is red...and thats why I look like a donkey with a mustache....and so will he.

6. Lane Jacobs, Liquidlogic, Eugene, OR
*What kind of a pose is that!? Is that some sort of hand signal from some lazy-ass gang? The East Side Sloths perhaps? It just reeks of underachievement...

7. Ronald A. Swaggard, Wilderness Systems Pamlico 140, Florence, SC - Ron writes, "My wife has never seen me without it, and she now says I look "weird". I'm glad that I get to start growing it back right away. The 'before' pic is from about a month ago, just to prove that I'm now cleanly shaven. Let the growing season begin!"
*Now here's an entry I can support. I have it on good authority that ol' Swag here shaved his face toupee for the first time in like 20 years for this contest! Now thats dedication, and look at the before photo, this guy can rock a stache with pride!

8. Mike Nail, Wave Sport Diesel & Jackson 4fun, Black Mountain, NC
*Something about Mike's jaw gives me a weird feeling. Perhaps its the slightly out of focus photo. I feel like I'm looking at one of the faces on Mount Rushmore...spooky.

9. Will Johnson, Wave Sport Z, Brevard, NC - Will writes, "...and God bless you gentlemen for this amazing idea."
*Is it just me, or is ol' Will here sporting TWO black eyes? Dude looks like he just got done going 12 rounds with Mikey Ty! What a hardlegger....and look at those slightly pursed lips, Will is a donkey NOT to be messed with.

10. Patrick Griffin, Wave Sport ZG, Chester, VA
*Wait a second...is this a mustache contest.....or a nose hair growing tournament? The angle of the photo leads me to believe that Patrick is a bit confused as to the nature of the contest......but he is one of the WAV boys, so I'll cut him some slack....I only wish that king of the WAV Mules Benjamin Moore would of entered as well, but I think Ben is unable to grow facial hair.....maybe next decade....

11. Patrick Bresnahan, Inazone232, H3....cola, SC and Etowah, NC....above all the imposters! Patrick writes, " Freshly shaved at 9:30pm...zoom in and check the pores!"
*Oh lordy....I'll tell you where Patman is from....he's from Columbia, SC, and he is most certainly a Saluda Boy! Look at that piercing gaze, I bet he could go toe to toe with Entrant #9.

12. Hartley Barber, Liquidlogic Gus & Perception Full Tilt, Columbia SC - Hartley writes, "I'd like to dedicate my fortitude in this competition to my loving family, they believe in me, and that makes all the difference."
*Oh lord again....another Saluda Boy....great....I'm glad to see Saluda Boys turning out in full force to ruin ANOTHER great paddlesports event. One only need to look back at years of Gauleyfests...Ocoee opening weekends....Talula Releases...and pretty much any other paddle related festival or event to see what trouble the Saluda Boyz have caused over the years. And they are at it again. Funny.....Hartley looks like he's in a Noxeema commercial...."I used to have lots of zits, but now LOOK!, my pores are acne free!"

13. Reed Moore, Savage Fury, Asheville, NC - This must be like the only Savage Fury left in existence that someone actually claims as the boat they paddle.
*I want to know the story on this dude....still paddling a Savage Fury.....shouldn't that thing be in a museum somewhere? I guess, considering that Corran invented the Fury, and he also probably claims to of invented the MUSTACHE too, it is fitting. Side note, look at how white that dudes teeth are!

14. Tim Jensen, Pyranha Inazone, Bellingham, WA
*This guy reminds me of a bartender....I don't know why.....I forsee a Handlebar Mustache in his near future!

15. Chris Tretwold, Liquidlogic Jefe, Bellingham, WA
*Woa....stop killing me with your cynical looks Mr. Tretwold...if that is your REAL name....

16. Craig Adams, Bliss Stick Scud & Rad, New Zealand
*Ok, I'm assuming this guy is a New Zoolander, and those dudes are all really tough down there....so I'm, going to refrain from making snide comments, lest I incurr the wrath of NZ

17. Jason Aytes, Riot Astro & Magnum, the Academy of Huge Experiences
*Oh, Aytes thinks he's some kind of model obviously.....I bet he's got calvin klein briefs on too....the sunglass tilt says it all.....

18. Andrew Dilliard, the Academy of Huge Experiences
*Andrew looks huge in this photo! Look at how he dwarfs that tiny car beside him! Is he going to eat it!? God save us all!

19. Hutch Brown, the Academy of Huge Experiences - Hutch writes, "See you in the finals. Ye- Yeah!"
*Someone get this dude some fiber immediately! He looks wayyyyy constipated. I bet this guy tries to get people to call him "The Hutchinator"......just a wild guess.

20. David Hughes, the Academy of Huge Experiences
*David Hughes is one of the top 10 coolest dudes in paddlesports.....and this photo totally shows why. I need say no more

21. Scott Wooten, the Academy of Huge Experiences
*Ok ok ok, we see it...we see it.....I'm betting that this guys photo is going to look the same with each update.....

22. Matt Fithian, the Academy of Huge Experiences
*Are they letting this kid shave yet?


23. Mark Pryzbysz, Huge Experiences. Mark looks suspicious of something. Maybe he's wondering why he has two shadows.

24. Israel Putnam, Pyranha 420 bro, Bryson City, NC
*Disturbing. Israel bears an uncanny resemblance to Beavis of "Beavis and Butthead" fame in this photo. I am the great Cornholio!

25. Zuzana Vanha, Pyranha H3, Bryson City, NC. Congrats to Zuzana for being our first women's entry. Zuzana, you speak for all women with this bold stance. May your mustache hair represent and stand up for the mustache hair of women all over the world.
*I'm glad to see some women entering this thing, I was afraid that this contest was going to be a swordfight.......good luck Zuzana

26. Liz Petty, Dagger Dynamo, Bryson City, NC. Another hearty hooray and congrats for our second women's entry. Liz, dear Liz, the road to mustache emancipation for women may be a rocky one, but know that the Curt Davis Invitational Mustache Growing Contest of Paddle Sports is here to support you all the way. We are here to raise you ladies and your lip hair up on a pedestal.
*Another woman! Sweet, I'm all for equality, especially in dubious contests with ridiculous intent.

27. Philip Young, Riot Magnum, Bryson City, NC. Word on the street is that Philip may go for the Mullestache.
*Thid dude needs to get a haircut first.....forget the mustache. Maybe thats actually a weave....if so I am sorry.

28. Garrett Bryant, Liquidlogic Jefe, Bryson City, NC
*I think Garrett should wear a suit for the entirety of the contest....he looks like a businessman. And with a mustache, he will really mean business.

29. Moffatt Prescott, Liquidlogic Jefe, Columbia, SC. Moffatt is apparently an excommunicated Saluda Boy. Nonetheless, he's footloose and fancy free, growing his mustache without a care in the world.
*Good lord, for a minute I thought there was water on my screen. Moffatt is sweating like a pig in this photo! Someone hand this guy a towel! He must be in a sauna or something. Or thinking about what Scarby's going to do to him for pulling his skirt in the Iceman race.....

30. Steve Althaus, Riot Hammer, Raleigh, NC - Deep in contemplation, Steve writes, "As a seasoned mustache conosiuer and proponent for the ’Äòstache, with pictures and emotional scars to prove it, I have no doubt that my status is highly competitive.  This competition comes at great sacrifice as I likely will not get laid for the next two months (and probably more out of spite). By the way, on the off chance that this is an April Fool's joke it's a pretty darn good one, but I'll take my chances ’Äì I'm a sucker for scorn and ill repute any how."
*In all seriousness, Steve was one of the guys who taught me how to paddle many years ago, and knowing him, I have no doubt in my mind that he has the fastidiosityousness to follow through with his plan and grow a mustache for the ages......this is your leader folks, I'm calling it now.

*Whew, now I'm going to go eat some chocolate cake and play Xbox.
Joey Hall, Rodeo Star, Classic Ender World Champion, and self proclaimed Mustache King

Come back next week to see who is the real deal when it comes to hair cultivation.

Thanks a ton to Xackers.net and Boatertalk.com for promoting the event.

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Contest started on April 1st. Email us with any questions or comments at curtdavismustache@gmail.com

Later,
Spencer Cooke, Effort.tv